Where the Christ in Denver do I meet a divorcee? - Part I - the liquor aisle of Target

Objective: To land a cougar....or a lynx, bobcat, or maybe even a tigress!

Where to lock your radar: Target's liquor aisle

Style: Red bubbles and circles and low prices

Music: N/A

Girls tart up to look like: They haven't been crying into a pint of Chunky Monkey for eight straight days.

Age Range: 40+

Booze Price: Bargain Basement

Signature Drinks: Whatever your little heart can dream up

Sexy Terror Alert: If you think desperation is sexy, the Terror Alert is off the charts

Thoughts by my fellow Americans: You don't say!

Average length of time it took a lady to get ready before her arrival: However long it takes to wipe off the mascara that ran down their faces.

Now, normally, I would be more in the ladypower camp than the prey-on-the-weak camp. But this camper has changed her tune. Never in my life have I sensed such a giant vacuum of loneliness like the liquor aisle at Target. It's roped off on the Lord's day, but the rest of the week, it will try to suck you into its vortex of shame, guilt, and desperation. What am I getting at, dear readers? The liquor aisle at Target is the best place in Denver to meet new divorcees!

One only needs to glance down its hallowed hallway to glimpse the finest in low-priced vodka, buckets of margarita mix, and women who have been harassing their ex-husbands' secretaries for months, looking for any small clue of infidelity. You can see it in their eyes. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and hell ALSO hath no fury so great as the rage which gives thine scorned woman thirst. These ladies like to get their drink on done. And they like to get their alcohol from a well-lit place, where they can hide it in their cart under the Charmin, just in case they run into Terri, that bitch from next door who they just KNOW was listening to all the screaming matches over who got the flat screen TV when the bastard moved out.

This is where you want to be, young Democrats. These ladies want affection, and they want it now. All you need to do is walk up to them, feed them some lines about how their eyes are beautiful because you can see the pain behind them, and three minutes later, you will be getting an HJ at the wheel while you drive back to her place. It's a win-win.

All my love,
Lulu