Watercourse, you are tasty - but don't pretend that I won't notice you have NO MEAT for me

Watercourse
837 E 17th Ave
Denver, CO 80218
(303) 832-7313
www.watercoursefoods.com

Watercourse is everyone's favorite vegan restaurant. And yes, I have been there and YES it was really good.

The food is incredibly fresh and the menu options are varied and I was very pleased with everything considering that I had high expectations based on the recommendations of others but there was one little thing missing in my breakfast......SAUSAGE or bacon or ham or chorizo and YES they have tofu versions of some meat products but guess what isn't the same no matter what anyone says - MEAT SUBSTITUTES. I think they were invented by my version of satan. A meatless world is an unhappy world - not because we are supposed to be carnivores, using our claws to cut buffalo into bite sizes or anything - because I am not into that version of carnivory - I love it because it is delicious - if you doubt my love of meat please see my haikus about pastrami.

However, I felt a little like I was in the jungle after sifting through all those dreadlocks just to find my seat and here is the thing about patchouli - I don't care if Mark Jacobs just came out with some new perfume or cologne called white Patchouli - I do not want to smell it whilst I am sipping on a delicious hot fresh cup of coffee because it gets in the way of my nostrils and makes me scream at the top of my lungs "Gag me with a dead smurfette!".

If smoking is banned in restaurants (which I totally support) then patchouli should be too because after I went to a phish show once (don't tell anyone) in college, I swear I got second hand something from all that fucking patchouli.

Vegans and Christians hate to admit it but they remind me of each other because both of them get all judgy in my face with their rules about how I should do this or NOT eat that - or how Christ is my savior - or how I can't live without legumes. Get off my anus crazies.

PS - watercourse if very good even though I can't get my meat on.

UPDATE: from Timmy Tinkletop - the service is TERRIBLE and you will wait forever for a table because everyone who is currently seated hasn't even been served their drinks yet. I feel pretty safe in saying that hippies are slow and have better things to do (like lighting incense and dancing in circles) than serve you and this could be why the service is super sucko.